Things That Piss Me Off

4. People who judge others.
5. The word "horror," because if you tell someone you watched a horror movie with your family last night, they think you said "whore" and have now typecast you as a freak who watches porn with your brother.
6. The smell of drying blood -- or even worse, drying blood mixed with bleach. *Gag*
7. Thinking about death and mortality.
8. People who use the word "like" as a space filler -- like, about sixty-three times per, like, sentence.
9. Assholes. (The personality type, not the part of the human anatomy. Although, now that I'm thinking about it, I've never been very partial to the human asshole, either.)
10. When my dad laughs at me -- the kind of quiet, self-righteous chuckle, accompanied by a "tsk-tsk" shake of the head, implying that my "idiocy" is quite amusing to him.
11. When people tell me to "calm down." There's nothing that will make me blow my top more than hearing the words "calm" and "down" in the same sentence.
12. The common cold.
13. The stupidity of humankind, and the depressingly steep downward spiral that's carrying away any speck of people's remaining intelligence.
14. When people sue McDonald's for making them fat -- right, like they actually thought a Big Mac with a shitload of greasy fries was healthy?? Give me a break.
15. When people sue McDonald's because, like an ass, they spill their coffee on their laps. Surprise -- it's hot! -- so McDonald's gets slapped with a lawsuit, all because some stupid bastard couldn't hold on to a coffee cup. I'll bet that if the coffee had been cold, the idiot would have sued for poor quality of food, or something.
16. When people attempt to sue people they supposedly "still care about, I swear!" for a measly $200 that was never actually agreed to be paid in the first place -- especially when they don't even need the fucking $200 and have spent the last two weeks bragging about the new plasma TV they bought with their enormous tax return, because obviously, money is worth nothing until you spend it extravagantly so the whole world can see how rich and snobby they are, yet they still believe they have any grounds upon which to sue their ex-girlfriend simply out of spite. (Ahem...not like that's ever happened to me, or anything...)
17. Workaholics.
18. Chris. (Okay, okay, you knew his name was going to work its way onto this list somehow, didn't you? Might as well stop beating around the bush and just get on with it.)
19. Immaturity.
20. The kind of people who are in their late twenties and still think it's cool to get wasted every night with your friends from the keg-er-ator in the garage.
21. Britney Spears. She has no singing talent whatsoever, and the only reason she got into the biz is because she's got blonde hair, a pretty smile, and big boobs that she's not afraid to flaunt.
22. Bitchy women. (Okay, in retrospect, this item seems a bit hypocritical immediatley following the item above it. But alas, it shall stay, because now I find it quite amusing.)
23. Typos -- especially if they're in some sort of professional publication, like a newspaper or a flier for a store. I actually saw a restaurant a few weeks ago named "Samaurai Sam's." The name was printed on the door correctly, but on the huge sign above the door, the name read, "Samarai Sam's." *Forehead slap* Bet the person who made up that sign felt pretty stupid -- if their limited intelligence actually allowed them to realize the error, that is.
24. People who are too cynical. There's a fine line between just the right amount of realistic cynicism and a full-blown bad attitude.
25. People who let others walk all over them.
26. The smell of hairspray.
27. Women who wear excessive perfume.
28. People who say same-sex marriages are "sullying the sanctity of marriage."
29. All the bullshit about "The Passion Of Christ" being an anti-sematic movie. "I'm offended because this movie portrays Jews as killers, saying they killed Jesus." Guess what, genius -- they fucking DID! It's not anti-sematic -- it's historically accurate, at least, if you're going by what the Bible says. I don't get offended if I see a movie about white people whipping their slaves. You don't hear me whining, "But...but...I'm offended because this depicts white people having slaves!" White people DID have slaves. I'm not saying it's something I'm proud of, but you just have to get over it and move on.
30. Dave Barry, because I wrote him a polite and respectful letter of disagreement after reading one of his columns in the newspaper, and he replied in a very not polite, not respectful manner.
31. The fact that even though Dave Barry himself pisses me off, I have to admit he's a great writer and I usually agree with the things he writes.
32. The fact that the United States has a budget defecit of some ridiculous amount of billions of dollars, yet the government keeps on spending everything they don't have. The latest source of fund-draining? The ever-so-worthwhile "rain-forest-in-a-dome" that's being built in Iowa, because that's obviously what every American needs to experience: a bunch of trees in a big room.
33. Those cheesy romance novels with the Fabio-esque types on the covers, complete with scenic background and swooning damsel.
34. That friend of my mother's who, the first time she met me, said, "Oh, are you in junior high now?" How do you tactfully point out that no, you're not in junior high -- that you have, in fact, completed a year of college and earned the right to vote, gamble, and die for your country? ("Hell no, bitch, I'm almost twenty fucking years old, fuck you very much!" doesn't seem to produce the desired reaction.)
35. Snoring.
36. Those nervous people who are always jiggling their foot or tapping their pen on the table or something. Honestly, it'd make you neurotic!!!
37. Hypochondriacs.
38. Mustard.
39. My ass and the fact that it keeps on getting bigger, despite my efforts towards the opposite end of the spectrum.
40. Having to "dumb down" a conversation so stupid people can understand. What's the point of talking at all if you can't say anything intelligent?
41. When two movies that are nearly identical come out within weeks of one another -- i.e., "A Bug's Life" and "Antz."
42. Reality shows. ENOUGH, ALREADY!!!
43. Racism. There's no excuse for it. None whatsoever. Anyone who thinks skin color matters in the least needs to be tarred, feathered, beaten, drawn, quartered, and thrown over a cliff, preferably one with a pack of hungry and vicious wolves waiting anxiously at the bottom.
44. People who conform by not comforming...if you follow me. You see, the "thing" now is to not conform to the mainstream, but what people don't realize is that since everybody is not comforming, all those who are not comforming are really conforming together to form a new mainstream, therefore defeating all statements of rebellion and independence. If you follow me.
45. When my contact lenses get old and gritty and it feels as though someone's poured a handful of sand in my eyes that no amount of eyedrops will relieve.
46. Writer's block.
47. Howard Dean.
48. The fact that nobody seems to mind boatloads of blood and gore and violence on television, but the second a woman's breast is revealed, a la Janet Jackson's "wardrobe malfunction," everyone gets "offended." Since when is a fully intact human body more offensive than a beaten, bruised, and bloodied one?
49. Political correctness and all it entails. You can't say anything without offending someone anymore, so why even try to tippytoe around it? We've nearly censored ourselves out of intelligent language.
50. Itches on the bottom of your foot that always seem to arrive right at the moment you absolutely CANNOT remove your shoe to scratch it.